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About Varied / Student Member Tiffany Gabrielle Xinidakis22/Female/Canada Group :iconbatforlashesclub: BatForLashesClub
there's a place i must go
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123 by luc1d-dream

The day I took the steps to reserve my first appartment in Montreal they told me I lost my job because of a drop in costumers forcing them to cut hours. The appartment we shared at the time has no longer been ours since the 1st of this month, after we each moved out. My boyfriend is with his dad, my friend is in a meditation center. I'm back with my family, but I use what I had put aside for my first appartment on big transportation passes to travel between where I live and the city. I'm looking for a new job so that I can continue to try and install myself there.


- - -

1234 by luc1d-dream

My city is calm compared to Montreal. There are so many trees, and people are very similar one another. Everyone can eat. No one is in big big trouble. Not in sight, anyway. (Moms controlling their kids. Old ladies discussing mondaneties. Construction workers depositing their pays. Hormone-sprinkler teens in groups. Cosmeticians with long nails and distateful bags of apparent value.)

It's getting very cold but I spend time outside every now and then. I appreciate the calm. In the appartment, I used to go outside to the yard every morning and several times over throughout the day. It had it's charm because it was so urbain and so poor that it was full of culture to me. The entire back yard was hidden by a symetrical version of us, back yards facing eachother, symetry line parted by a bybcicle track (/ the narrowest of roads) (/ an alley). 

Here, it's trees. Trees, grass, different levels of ground. Crumply colorful leaves. Wind. Quiet. Security. (- I don't need to be afraid to wear fishnet tights in public after sunset.)

- - -

Snapshot 20141007 5 by luc1d-dream
(dyed my hair black again for the new job hunt)

I woke up a few hours ago, it was around 3:30am. I had crashed last night between super and desert, just couldn't stay awake a minute more. My muscles have been in pain, all of them, all the time. I walk & use public transportation allot + I've been neglecting sleep, but I've barely been noticing it because I've been using my time.

Staying awake for a bit, and I'm doing so sweetly. (with cake and tea and random 80s TV) my80stv.com/ - enjoying the familiar ambiance. Switching the channel away from love scenes, though. I'll be alone for the next while... 2 weeks I think. no poking soft spots. (I have good memories of this past weekend, though. at least there's that.)

It's a relief that I am capable of controlling my mood to a minimum of healthyness these days. My thoughts are rather empty like because everything is more or less in it's right place, circumstancially speaking. I needed this, to follow a plan rather than struggle to construct a perfect one (<or process the details in the failure of it... but that's come and passed.)

I enjoy things like detours when on walks, writing / drawing everything and anything in buses metros and trains, and actually doing stuff when at home. I like cuddling with my sister's dog who I missed when I was away. I also enjoy my bed. My bed is big. - I even spend time on my appearance, why not. And in relation - it's easier to try to understand the minds of society as at least a partial infiltration.

Hahahaha.

-Tiff, 6:33AM.
  • Mood: Optimism
  • Reading: Going Postal
  • Watching: 80s TV
  • Eating: cherry cheese cake
  • Drinking: mint tea
Snapshot 20140924 48 by luc1d-dream
Snapshot 20140924 25 by luc1d-dream

I'm pretty happy about being reunited with my family and with Jasper, our dog, that I missed so much. Last night I slept like a baby, despite not having been in the best of states earilier that evening.

Everything is going to be okay. Or at least, no matter what happens, it isn't sad if I make it un-sad, and that might be my job for the next little bit.

Today is a really nice day. I'll be going through my old boxes from when I had moved out over a year ago.
  • Mood: Daily Needs
  • Watching: Louis de Funes movies (old French comedies)
Snapshot 20140922 by luc1d-dream

I didn't chose to look like this. My boyfriend's big (but warm) hoodie, messed up morning hair, feathery colored mesh on the side that indeed looks more like feathers than hair. The void under my cheak bones is somewhat fuller since the little I've been eating has been pure artificial low-cost carbohydrates. My appearance is very much out of sync with myself but I do like to include a piece of me in my posts.

I'd much rather have long hair like I used to:

2014-07-08 00.50.23 by luc1d-dream
(^ 3 months ago )

I'm too tired to take care of my appearance.
I'm always very tired. I've been losing allot of sleep over looking for my own appartment

... because I am. I'm looking for a 1 1/2 or studio (a medium or big individual appartment room with mini stove and fridge) - but my budget is extremely low compared to the average minimum price.

It does exist, though. I have to keep updated with internet adds allot and read the paper every day.

I'm going to move out into a hole in the wall, but I am going to turn it into a great little place. I'll pay the rent and things with my part time job, which will be difficult for me in terms of food budget till I find a second part time job, or replace my current job by a full time one. (my food budget is what in Quebec french we call laughable) - I'll be getting lots of food helps from my family and boyfriend, though. I might also do my shopping almost exclusively in buying food baskets... Montreal is a good place for food baskets.

I'm starting to emerge from an obsession period that rendered me sleepless and heavily depressed. The appartment is constantly on my mind. It's the only thing that I have to hold on to. By October 1st, My boyfriend, his friend (my friend) and I will be split in seperate directions. Of course, my boyfriend will be visitin me in my appartment every now and then. My point is, it's a count down and I need to secure a place.

I've looked at some places. I have low quality inexpensive choices, higher quality more expensive choices and one particular option that would be the deal breaker: an organisation for youth I still borderline qualify for this year, in which I would live very very comfortably for as little or as long as I need, for up to a year.

From Tomorrow forward, I'll be attending another 4 months of Personality Disorder group therapy. This is the second part of two, the part focusing on positive ways to deal with your "crazies" & how to gradually evolve into a mentally & emotionally healthier person, for yourself and those around you.

My weeks are soon going to be composed of work, me-time, boyfriend-time, group therapy, family-time, & space for friends-time if I like.

Exciting.

Obsession worthy. I have to stop obsessing..! I'm going to go out for a walk. Morning is a time for me to escape the bedroom full-force. Here are some of my recent sketches if it can be of any visual appeal or curiosity to anyone passing by.

2014-08-23 11.00.39 by luc1d-dream
2014-08-23 11.04.31 (1) by luc1d-dream
2014-08-23 11.04.18 by luc1d-dream
2014-08-23 11.05.57 by luc1d-dream
  • Mood: Daily Needs
  • Watching: Louis de Funes movies (old French comedies)
Snapshot 20140909 5 by luc1d-dream

I'm outside this time. Just had my morning smoke. I work in an hour... I have to shower. So that's me at the moment. I budgetted the hell out of the next while. We're good, so long as my boyfriend takes care of rent for the new place we have to find next month. We're out of the appartment soon. Everything will be different yet again, soon.

I started using my bus/metro pass to go places like China town (just because, with a few dollars pocket change)(bad idea but some tiny indulgance in a place where everything costs little over $1.00 CAD can't be too bad)

I don't have much time to write. I split my hair in two colors. This is not the result in the picture, I have bedhead. Either way, I will be coloring the blonde side deep blue soon. After my 6 hour shift today, that begins very soon, and I hate that, I will be going home to do just that. Also, I'll be bringing back plenty of vegetables for Frank and I to eat.

- we have food
- we can afford to smoke
- we have transportation passes
- we should be good for the next month
- my having a job is serving an important purpose in taking care of my relationship. (positive)

I'm going to have to jump in the shower. There are a few other things I'd like to type up before that.

I'd like to say that strength is all I know or am aloud to know these days. The lapses are very strong and there's allot going against me these days. There's also allot to keep me grounded or strong. It's a struggle every day.

Next time I post here, I'm hoping the post will be even more positive than this one. I may not be feeling great but things are doing well and I do appreciate that.

- - -

(post-shower me)
Snapshot 20140909 16 by luc1d-dream

I look forward to my stay at my parents' house. I hope it'll be as comforting as last time. My old home, that I used to feel so uncomfortable in for cleanliness reasons, now feels like a palace to me. This appartment is rather clean but it's very small. My old home feels huge in comparison. The bed is bigger and there's lots of food. All the opposite of what I used to think.

Next time I write I'll have semi-blue hair, I look forward to that.

-Tiff
  • Mood: Dazed
  • Eating: something for breakfast I hope
  • Drinking: coffee for free when I get to work

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luc1d-dream
Tiffany Gabrielle Xinidakis
Artist | Student | Varied
Canada




About me


My name is Tiffany Gabrielle, I'm 22.

facebook Link of an artsy nutcase who probably somehow thinks you don't like her:

Facebook.com/TiffanyGabrielleA…


Interests
123 by luc1d-dream

The day I took the steps to reserve my first appartment in Montreal they told me I lost my job because of a drop in costumers forcing them to cut hours. The appartment we shared at the time has no longer been ours since the 1st of this month, after we each moved out. My boyfriend is with his dad, my friend is in a meditation center. I'm back with my family, but I use what I had put aside for my first appartment on big transportation passes to travel between where I live and the city. I'm looking for a new job so that I can continue to try and install myself there.


- - -

1234 by luc1d-dream

My city is calm compared to Montreal. There are so many trees, and people are very similar one another. Everyone can eat. No one is in big big trouble. Not in sight, anyway. (Moms controlling their kids. Old ladies discussing mondaneties. Construction workers depositing their pays. Hormone-sprinkler teens in groups. Cosmeticians with long nails and distateful bags of apparent value.)

It's getting very cold but I spend time outside every now and then. I appreciate the calm. In the appartment, I used to go outside to the yard every morning and several times over throughout the day. It had it's charm because it was so urbain and so poor that it was full of culture to me. The entire back yard was hidden by a symetrical version of us, back yards facing eachother, symetry line parted by a bybcicle track (/ the narrowest of roads) (/ an alley). 

Here, it's trees. Trees, grass, different levels of ground. Crumply colorful leaves. Wind. Quiet. Security. (- I don't need to be afraid to wear fishnet tights in public after sunset.)

- - -

Snapshot 20141007 5 by luc1d-dream
(dyed my hair black again for the new job hunt)

I woke up a few hours ago, it was around 3:30am. I had crashed last night between super and desert, just couldn't stay awake a minute more. My muscles have been in pain, all of them, all the time. I walk & use public transportation allot + I've been neglecting sleep, but I've barely been noticing it because I've been using my time.

Staying awake for a bit, and I'm doing so sweetly. (with cake and tea and random 80s TV) my80stv.com/ - enjoying the familiar ambiance. Switching the channel away from love scenes, though. I'll be alone for the next while... 2 weeks I think. no poking soft spots. (I have good memories of this past weekend, though. at least there's that.)

It's a relief that I am capable of controlling my mood to a minimum of healthyness these days. My thoughts are rather empty like because everything is more or less in it's right place, circumstancially speaking. I needed this, to follow a plan rather than struggle to construct a perfect one (<or process the details in the failure of it... but that's come and passed.)

I enjoy things like detours when on walks, writing / drawing everything and anything in buses metros and trains, and actually doing stuff when at home. I like cuddling with my sister's dog who I missed when I was away. I also enjoy my bed. My bed is big. - I even spend time on my appearance, why not. And in relation - it's easier to try to understand the minds of society as at least a partial infiltration.

Hahahaha.

-Tiff, 6:33AM.
  • Mood: Optimism
  • Reading: Going Postal
  • Watching: 80s TV
  • Eating: cherry cheese cake
  • Drinking: mint tea

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:iconpaulv3design:
PaulV3Design Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014   Digital Artist
Thanks for the FAV!
Reply
:iconnunofigueira:
NunoFigueira Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2014
Thank you for faving Gabrielle :hug:
Reply
:icongetcarter:
getcarter Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2014   Photographer
Thanks for the favorite on this photograph.
FAITH by getcarter
Reply
:iconsuzu-chan123:
Suzu-chan123 Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fave ^^
Reply
:iconluc1d-dream:
luc1d-dream Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2014  Student General Artist
You're welcome!! :)
Reply
:iconebolabearvomit:
EbolaBearVomit Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014
I hope you got out of Canada safely!!
youtu.be/aO8Lk05NY8k
Reply
:iconluc1d-dream:
luc1d-dream Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2014  Student General Artist
I saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw
Reply
:iconluc1d-dream:
luc1d-dream Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014  Student General Artist
I don't much like the song, but I love the video, and do think I might end up liking the song too after a few listens. Thanks vom

blueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh
Reply
:iconebolabearvomit:
EbolaBearVomit Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014
What about this one?

youtu.be/jJOzdLwvTHA

It's been supah hella hot here with nightly thunderstorms.
I burn during the day and can't go out at night because of hail, lightning, and high winds.:shakefist:
Reply
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